We have a Solar Eclipse in Capricorn at 5.13 am GMT on 26th December 2019. We have just moved out of solstice energies and into the very internal and much discussed energies of 2020. This New Moon Eclipse is a marker for that.
Our personal and collective evolution is being strongly activated at this time. Many are being taken to depths never touched and taking in new awarenesses. We are remembering what has been forgotten — the body, the senses, and our oneness. It is a rising and a deepening, a penetration of form. It’s as though spirit, is penetrating matter, beingness. It is an integration time of masculine and feminine.
In many ways, we have been journeying as best we can in 2019, not knowing fully where we are going or what is right. We have been in training; to discover our own version of truth, not based on the desired consequences or outcomes of our decisions and actions, but on having to trust in the unknown, the journey, knowing that whatever choices we make, have to be the right choice at some level, whether we see it now, or see it in hindsight.
It’s not been easy, to surrender to the unknown. We have had to let go of a lot of what we thought was or should be a part of our lives. We have had to give up control and just go with what we feel in the moment to be right for us. Again, not based on what might or might not happen as a result. We have had to make big decisions quickly sometimes at some level knowing that we will not get we want from it, but what we need. What we need to experience is not necessarily what we want to experience in these times.
Much of what causes us pain are the stories we hold in our heads, which will be informed by our level of consciousness at any given moment of time. Our personal experiences are urging us to see through a much wider lenses, to get unboxed from the consensus reality, the matrix and see through the eyes of Source. Higher perspectives have been important this year.
We have become so identified with form, with the consensus reality, the material world, we have forgotten it is in a constant state of evolution. Our body endlessly evolves and expands, but we try to control it. Yet consciousness never changes, it just is.
The new paradigm, being currently birthed through the meeting of Saturn-Pluto’s conjunction, is teaching us that while awareness may expand, consciousness does not. Beneath or within form and body, consciousness never changes, evolves, expands or even contracts. It simply is. We do not have an experience of this, and this is where we are being asked to journey.
This is about getting in touch with essence level states that are constantly available within and through our bodies. The sense that we just are and always will be, that we have no thing to fear. This is the essence level that we are reaching into and even anchoring cellularly. To get there might be a journey, it’s a following, tracking and unfolding of form within the body, in the sensory grounded experiencing of the senses. This is the journey that we are being called to take within.
Past Saturn-Pluto aspects brought conflicts of power but ironically the positive potential of Saturn-Pluto is inextricably linked with us facing and generating great courage in the face of darkness, fear, pain and death. We are being asked to develop intense focus and discipline; and garner wisdom from experience and suffering. This will affect everyone. That is why each of us has to go inward and make contact with our shadow, fear, pain and suffering.
At the same time, outside authority, of all types, is falling a part, and rapidly. Outside authority is the illusion (albeit a very real one). We willingly and unwillingly give over our authority to outside sources, it takes our focus, our attention, and us away from ourselves. We blame, judge, project on to, cling, defer to that which is outside. We receive reassurance, answers, direction, safety and give over independence to that which is outside.
We do this to stave off feeling the emptiness, pain and fear within, of having to learn to trust in ourselves, our body, our feeling, and mostly our hard won inner connection. But now, the Divine feminine’s reemergence demands this reconnection, and with it full accountability, for our own lives, at least, and a recognition that we and the other are One.
And as the illusions of form, of what appear real, trustworthy and of integrity fall away, we have only one place left to be, within ourselves and our own pain. We have all, in different ways, placed our trust and given over our power to sources, forms of truth outside of us. Our expectations and attachment to what might bring joy, these also need to be honestly faced and seen for what they are – attachments.
By confronting wherever we give away our power, our fears, and picking up responsibility, we free ourselves, and our unlived potential, our creativity. This giving power over and away cannot coexist in the new evolutionary chapter that is calling us forth in 2020 as we need to know we ARE SOURCE, power is not outside of us. There is no thing outside of us, this is the ultimate truth, but knowing that in our minds and experiencing that through our senses and body are two entirely different things.
This is the path of individuation, or full embodiment. It is a path of taking risks, of not knowing where you are going or what you are building. It is the path of trust and surrender. It’s where we simply have to trust life, it’s cycles and it’s rhythms and there’s no way around that. In this place we are vital and feel alive in every moment, even if each moment brings it’s challenges, we still deepen.
This is what 2020 will increasingly bring. A potentially incredibly rewarding yet challenging year.
We have an opportunity to move out of cycles of suffering in every moment, but the problem is we are not trained in the how to do this. We will not get out of the old, deep patterns through thinking, talking, denying or even letting go of the thoughts. Not if you are further down your path. We are being propelled into deeper layers of healing now that require the body to let go at a very cellular, physical level.
Initially the inability to accept our own suffering, being so far into the mire, forced us to seek answers. But later down the line, we have to return to our pain, as we discover that the seeking was based on the urge to avoid pain. When you touch the depth of your pain and you begin to let go through your body (as you are now embodied enough to do so), you somehow begin to find what you have been looking for and your true liberation begins.
We think we can get out of the cycles of pain, addictions, attachments by dropping our thoughts. Sure, it’s the first step, dropping the thoughts. But then we need to move into the body, that’s the next step, as we need to touch and feel the pain, not deny, resist and refuse to feel ourselves.
If we could only move out of resistance, then our consciousness could ripple out through all dimensions, with fluidity and flow. But unfortunately constriction exists in our bodies and when we constrict, consciousness constricts, and with it we resist life, oppose it. And so the cycle continues, as we welcome more suffering to push us further into our sacred wound held tightly within and around our hearts.
The ultimate purpose of pain, and its meaning, is simply to be unfolded. To track, unwind and follow is to be a true spiritual warrior. Through it we can soften, open, relax and share ourselves. We can then open to deeper and higher levels of service. But we need to make choices and be brave, and learn how to follow ourselves, the little subtle signals.
Feeling the pain is not enough. Feeling will take you to the place where it feels like that’s enough suffering, and now it’s time to be or do something different. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the alchemical process that happens through the body, when you actively go deeper. It is this that will take you into essence states of oneness.
This journey inside our bodies is more a descent in consciousness, a process of entering into. It’s very winter, yin. This is especially the case until March 2020, where we are in an integrating phase, but it’s throughout the year, and perhaps for years to come, that we will all be taken to this sacred realisation of the power contained within our deep pain and fear. It is so we no longer have to fear self-connection, and this alone shifts awareness, and consciousness.
But this cannot be done through the mind. It can only happen through the body, since it is within the body that we must journey. To the core place we do not want to go to, although it’s not a destination, it’s a process of just letting go. And we can’t just say, let’s go to our core wound today, I don’t feel like there is such a destination. We just have to be ripe for the journey. It has to be the time.
The deep, sacred wound, there since the beginning of time, is like an interference pattern. It distorts synarchy, or oneness. It prevents fractals, patterns, from knowing their synarchy. Perhaps it is the reason for human suffering, but it is also how we evolve.
As we awaken out of 3D reality, out of our separateness, the interference slowly clears and the synarchy emerges. Working with this interference, our suffering, our sacred wound is integral. And the question arises, can we trust the pain, that it won’t kill us, can we even dissolve into it? This is always my deepest journey, and until now I have not been ready to journey into. That’s been the beauty of this exact Saturn-Pluto trine to my Sun.
I have felt the Oneness emerging from the pain, chaos, and fear. So while this all operates at a level of shadow, throwing off any emerging synchronisation or choreography, if we have the trust, willingness and courage, it will also take us back into it. Disturbances, however they emerge, are one way to diagnose deeper problems, and transform them. They are therefore also part of the resolution.
At this juncture in our personal and collective evolution, we need to burn it all down, let it all go, go back to the roots. As we need a reboot, a reset. Everything has gotten a bit out of hand. It all needs to go. It is hard to let go, often we are scared we’ll just repeat the pattern. But we need to let go. Some of us are even here to actively clean out all this crap, especially if we know we are at the core of the fractals!
Much emerges through difficult relationships – if you are in one of those, you might see it as pioneering the way, taking on a more collective lesson for all to evolve. This is something like strong karmic partners or the twin flames dynamic, like one en mass genetic clear up for humanity. That’s putting a very positive slant on things I know. But can we ever truly know why things are as they are? No. So we might as well see it all in a healing light.
Yet in the process of clearing up, we need to let go, and feel the pain deep within the constriction of our bodies. Remembering nothing is just ours, it helps to know that, it’s relieving to know that when we are feeling a lot, we are not doing it alone and we are not just doing it for ourself.
This is how we spiral out of the same old patterns that tend to recycle, with a tediously slow evolution. All patterns are evolving, even if they appear not to be. And when we go on that journey, to the same place, we discover we are it all and it is all us. In the same way, there is no one thing outside of us.
So as we begin to take accountability for our own suffering, through the experiencing of ourselves in a more embodied, courageous way, we deepen and at times connect to our infiniteness. This is very powerful. It resonates out to all beings. It heals the fractal patterns and wounds that you are intimately connected to. As we let go, we become at ease with our pain, we grow in our acceptance. Our hearts begins to open in compassion towards ourselves. As we feel that compassion towards ourselves, it extends out to all life, at a universal or collective level. Perhaps this is the compassion of Christ, the unconditional Christ consciousness love.
But to now pause and change gears.
In this very moment, it’s important that you, as yourself, ground in the meaning that you do know, right now, what is real for you, not my meaning making through these words, but your own. Why? Because this is where we need to begin if we are to enter into our depths.
Whether that place is the awareness of your mind, holding onto all the myriad reasons, possibilities, investments, future realities, explanations, or something more substantial through your body. It doesn’t actually matter, it’s the awareness that grounds you and brings you to a place where you can notice your body and let go of the attachment to your thinking.
Being in witness to yourself requires a letting go in and of itself. We know when we need to let go as we feel like we can no longer maintain ourselves at the same level. Something needs to transform. It’s as though we are letting go of our separateness. But how do we do that? What is letting go? What does it mean to let go?
We often get told to let go of people, ideas, meaning, our monkey mind, thoughts, but how do we actually do that? Sometimes it feels so urgent, like if we don’t do it, at all costs, it will precipitate another shock to force it, but still, how do we actually do that?
Most of the time, we try and let go through finding reasons, meaning or justifying things, perhaps even as part of a larger plan (which is just a higher level of holding on). Sometimes we channel our energy into other things and repress how we feel, so we do not feel, or see that we have to let go. Perhaps we go to a new level of understanding or framework, to help us see things from a higher perspective.
Perhaps that level is more inwards. Coming back to our feelings, and body, we can ask, what am I feeling in this moment? What is rising in my consciousness today? How do I honour my body and feelings and yet also raise my frequency from this difficult place? These are meaningful questions.
Yet beneath that, if we simply tune into our heart and body we will sense the constriction deep inside, the holding on. Notice how you respond or react to the discomfort it brings. Notice also how it has defined your life so far. When we move away from our pain, we will live a life of denial and distraction, never fully living at all. The harder we push down the pain, the stronger it becomes, sometimes with catastrophic effect. Yet if we have the courage to honour and listen to it, we will discover it’s purpose, and we will no longer be in fear of it.
So in this moment, if we were to just let go, just for a minute, without knowing how, where would we begin? Lets begin by closing our eyes. And not speaking. And just breathing, and noticing. Perhaps you notice your shoulders dropping a bit. Notice what you notice and how you notice.
Perhaps there’s a part of you that is resisting, holding on, burning, numb, in pain. Just notice how you experience your body. Just let your body begin to experience itself, proprioceptively.
Notice how the channels of your experience shift. How you move between seeing, feeling, hearing, perhaps wanting to move your body. Resist the moving for now, it might take you away from the sensing. Keep following your experience, in your body, through your channels, senses, noticing but not engaging with your thoughts. Develop a part of you that can really stay with your body.
See things through to completion. Unfold your sensations fully. You don’t have to do anything, you just need to watch and feel as sensations shift and how you consciousness shifts with the sensing. Become that which is there, so if you feel nothingness, merge, become the nothingness, if you feel burning, let the fire burn more, or even become the fire. From all this will arise something.
Keep going more inside, stay with yourself, not forcing but gently coming back to yourself if you drift away. Allow your consciousness to be more inside, and your breath more obvious. Take your time, you don’t need to do anything, just be close to yourself. It will feel good to just feel yourself. There is no outcome that you are looking for. You are just training yourself to be with yourself and not avoid your body.
Through this, allow yourself to be more embodied. And perhaps you will notice how your body can let go, perhaps you will notice feelings you haven’t felt for a while. There’s a time for things to happen. Let it be what it is. Notice if you have feelings, tears, gentleness, they sometimes only come if they are invited and you are open to them.
If your normal way of being is trying to find meaning and reasons and letting go is something you struggle to do, (after all being with the body is the least occupied place for most people in western world), then this won’t be easy for you. If you cling on to future realities or the past, then this also won’t be easy for you.
We stop the mind to feel the body and it’s subtlety. We stop the mind by just feeling the body. Then following the body even further to let the deeper layers in the body let go. Sometimes it’s not easy to do alone, often we need a witness.
If your mind comes in and battles, just name it, it’s story; perhaps it’s asking what are you letting go of? How much is there to let go of? These are great questions, tell your mind. But the sage says you can’t know what you are letting go of until you have let go, you don’t know while in the middle.
Do not think that your mind is not participating, yes you are mindless, in that you are not using your mind to find meaning, but you are instead using your mind to track and notice. If your mind tries to find meaning, just let go of that, the meaning of letting go is just to let go.
Letting go often needs to happen in the heart. The pain might arise slowly or fiercely, and with it let the tears come. Do not get bogged down in labelling the feelings, it is just layers and they can be very subtle, and complex, they just need to peel back.
Keep journeying through the layers of emotions and images. There might be a lot there and they might be subtle, gently submersing yourself deeper within. Watch as you go deeper within, the sounds around go quiet, to help you stay there. This is all yin, inwardness, winter.
Often there’s a clamp around the heart. Notice the quality of any images that arise. The life within them, the essence of them, what gets your interest, what’s unexpected. Notice your internal feedback to what you see. Notice even the detachment that comes with letting go, it’s just a time for letting go and feeling. Notice if there’s a message? Usually It’s just about feeling it, as it’s never been felt, as it is so deep and old.
Often at some point, the body begins to let go, and all by itself goes into many strange and odd sensations. Like tingles, numbness, shaking, coldness. It takes over.
Let your consciousness open up, on a pain level, to feel how it’s not just yours. It’s very relieving. Sometimes we have an idea that we are a soul that has had lifetimes of pain. This is not accurate, in my experience. This is usually what we have to let this go. Another misunderstandings that keeps us bound. You are so much more than an individual soul.
This idea of lifetimes, it’s not the case, but it’s all within the heart. Letting go within the heart. Let your body move, if it wants to move. Let it shake, breathe, it will help you track and focus on the layers. Let your body release all the misconceptions it’s been holding, so you can feel the truth, through your body. It’s just layers releasing. Death, letting go, releasing, is not a contraction as we might think, its an expansion that happens inwards.
Are there emotions that go with the physical sensations. There might be grief. But often it’s more just a holding on that is leaving. The grief comes with the letting go.
This is a new pattern that many will need in 2020, to stop thinking and giving meaning and let your body lead. Know the meaning will come later, you don’t have to try and find meaning. It comes through the body experience if there is meaning to be had.
After moving through this, a level of essence; of oneness, peace or compassion, opens up. It can be a gentle, subtle shift in feeling and just something that brings a gentle smile to your face.
We are birthing a new consciousness in our lives, but we need to make space and we need to know how every experience can take us into peace. The process of moving deeper inside, to make contact with ourselves might not be a comfortable process but it releases much creativity and our vital energy.
We need newness, variety and change at this time, fresh life. It’s not good right now to become fixed and serious in one thing or direction, since we need to open up not close down. Fixating and rigidity create implosion and a deep pervasive sadness, underneath of which is a vast unconscious reservoir of fear. We hang on to control when we try and keep everything exactly as it is or as we believe it should be.
We need to do change better, we need new patterns, and resist being taken into withdrawn states where we disappear from ourselves, or wall ourselves off from others, in emptiness or sadness. This is how a pattern of fear, not feeling or facing it, or rejecting change, can stifle life and birth.
The nature of who we are is released when we allow our consciousness to penetrate through our body, to a greater depth. It is about penetration, really – the more we allow for internal expansion, the looser or more fluid our body becomes, until we begin to glimpse consciousness hovering within us. We feel our connection with it all.
During January and at points throughout 2020, until December 2020, we will experience the very rare triple conjunction of Jupiter, Saturn and Pluto. This marks the beginning of three new cycles but also their endings. On January 12, 2020 Saturn and Pluto will make their exact conjunction in Capricorn, while Jupiter and Pluto will meet three times during April and November. However, Jupiter and Saturn will move into innovative Aquarius before they make their conjunction on December 21st 2020, the time of our summer solstice.
These are all extraordinary celestial energies that are nothing less than the ending of an entire era, as we then make our way into a new epoch. We can expect endings to strongly influence and colour the events of 2020, but these will only make way for beginnings. Bring on the changes.
Isis Cards – Key Of Life
The Ankh portends new life being born through you now. This new life being born, in whatever form, will enrich your life, bringing you more into wholeness and fulfilment. Do not give up on your creative destiny. Stay with it. You are flowing in the right direction, and you have spiritual support from the unseen worlds. Let it happen.
Son Of Cups
My mother gave the sensitivity to me. My father taught me the languages of water. My sister, pure as a lotus blossom, gave me tenderness. I drink and drink but no water can quench my thirst. I am familiar with the many reflections on my skin. Sometimes I see my father but I forgot where my mother lives. I am floating upon the waters of self-remembering like the leaf of a flower. In the darkness of night I can feel the sea bottom and the architecture of my thoughts becomes blurred. During the day the sharp knife of my mind has separated me. I feel sad and try to hide it. Dusk brings me peace. Control sleeps and I dare to jump through the reflections. I allow myself to fall; my amor becomes soft and scaly. Following the tracks of thousands of tiny air bubbles I sink down to the bottom melting into that which awaits me.
Iching – Hexgram 25
Essentially we have here the sacred wound which we transform to bring about innocence. You can move beyond all sense of boundaries, all attachments. Like a child, who has no adult attachments, no need to defend themselves, just at one with life’s unfolding moments. There is infinite knowing of self, and nothing standing in the way. Just appreciate the raw material you are given, let it simply unfold and bear witness. This is the path of the follower, who lets life lead. Let yourself discover the world anew, through fresh eyes, senses. Evolution and change brings many varieties, just have no investments and no expectations, as the title states, remember innocence is your natural state.
Tarot Margaret Petersen
The Human Design System Rave I’Ching Card Lynda Bunnell
Isis Oracle Alana Fairchild
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